The Beginning, When I Fell In Love...

Ya, ok, so I have done an absolutely terrible job at keeping up with the blog. And, for those of you who actually read it, I apologize. It has been 10 weeks since she was born (OMG!) and so there is an amazing amount of things to blog about... BUT since there is so much to write, and I know that I personally hate to read forever long posts, I'm going to break it down into a couple of (still kinda long) posts to make it more fun for everyone involved.

So, my last post was August 15th, or around that time. Not a whole lot happened after that. I started to get more crampy and have some small type contractions for a week or so, but it wasn't much to write home about. The last weekend in August was the Irish Festival. We are always looking for inexpensive things to do on weekends and with Annberlynne being due in about 10 days and all we figured it would be fun to go and walk around... (we figured all the walking might help wiggle her down into the right position). So we went the first night and nothing... I just woke up at 2 in the morning with small contractions that kept me awake but nothin big. The last night also seemed that it would be an uneventful night. I woke up, as seemed to be the new usual, at around 2:30 and kinda fought sleep for another hour or so. Around 3:30 (right as Steven was going to bed) I just couldn't take it any more and got up to walk around the house in hopes it would help me feel better. Well, it wasn't working at all so at about 4 I decided a hot bath would help (a bath is like my fix-all). I got in, read a page of a book and then had a very weird feeling... i thought, I've got to go to the bathroom (but that's not what it felt like, that was just the only thing I could think of to help me make sense of it). So, I get out and sit down and almost immediately something strange happens. I THINK my water broke but who knows cuz I was also going to the bathroom at the same time... but about 10 mintues later I'm waking Steven up for a cold rag. He gets up and almost at the same moment I am doubled over in the most terrible pain I've ever felt... and I never did get my cold rag. I, at that point, can only assume it's the real deal about to happen. We grab our hospital bag, an ice pack for me and wake Logan up. We rushed him to his aunt Chrystan's (at 5 in the morining) and then left for the hospital (that is all the way on the other side of downtown :-(... ). Any woman who has had a baby before can totally relate to this, but it was everything I could do not to get upset with Steven because, even though he was speeding a little, I felt as if he were taking his dear sweet time. He was very patient with me though.

We get to the hospital at 5:30 and waste no time getting put into a delivery room. My biggest problem (and it had been since we left the house) was that I was bearing down REALLY hard ever contraction... meaning that I would tense up and scream and forget to breathe. Steven had been trying to get me to breathe the whole car trip (which was impossible) and the nurse was now saying the same thing. I kept apologizing and saying "I'm doing the best I can", which at that point was very true. I was begging for a spinal. The only time I stopped to breathe (as I was told) was when Steven stood in front of me... I stared him down but it worked. I finally got that spinal and within 10 minutes was feeling fantastic (no exaggeration). I was feeling no contrations at all... I had to look at the monitor to see them. It was happening very fast. I didn't like my first nurse, but that probably had more to do with my mood at the moment than it actually did with her. Luckily for me, right around the time that Annberlynne was ready, the nurses we switching shifts... AND even luckier was that the nurse I got was the same nurse who took care of me when we had pre-labor scares at 26 weeks! She recognized me immediately and I was so relieved to have her... she was awesome.

At 7:40 I knew it was time, I started pushing hard and 10 minutes later I was holding my daughter. It took a total of 4 extremely hard pushes (which, with the spinal, were a piece of cake compared to everything else that had happened). I was in love instantly. The first hour was the most incredible hour of my life. They wiped her off and layed her on my chest (what they call skin time). I was flooded with everything I had ever dreamed I would feel at that moment. I know the nurses kept working and pushing on me and other things but I honestly have very little memory of all that. I remember holding her and I remember looking over at Steven and seeing him cry and between those two things happening I had never felt more in love in my life.

After that hour they took her and weighed her and measured her... she was a whopping 6lbs 3.5 oz (OMG!) and was 18.5 inches long. She was such a little peanut!!! I couldn't believe how tiny she was! It was all so perfect. 10 days early, only 3 hours of labour and I had a baby, and she was itty bitty!! No stitches, no nasty hemroids, no juandice... it was awesome. Shortly after, Chrystan and the boys arrived. Logan was instantly a great big brother. They came right around the time that she was going to get her shots and bath and when they told us that Logan lost it. He started crying and got really upset with the nurse. He didn't want his baby sister to get shots and he made sure that the nurse knew exactly how serious this issue was to him, lol. It was cute.

From the beginning she was the perfect little princess. She didn't cry (and still rarely does)... she just kinda talks. In the middle of the night when she was hungry she would just start talking to me, kinda like "hey, mom, um... I'm kinda hungry". I never wanted to put her down (I still don't)... and I would have some minor seperation anxiety when they had to take her but was always so excited when she came back. I fell so in love with her... the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

4 Weeks! Who would have thought we'd make it this far!

Crazy is what it is. 10 weeks ago we were in the hospital thinking that she may make an early appearance... now here we are at 36 weeks and she's not acting like she's going anywhere! I haven't had any contractions (that I'm aware of) and there has been no bleeding, spotting, cramping or any of those other little labor hints. She's as active as ever, too. I'm actually really surprised that she hasn't broken my floating rib yet. I'm pretty ready for her to come now. I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and they did her sonogram. She measured right where she was supposed to... same due date :-). She weighs 6 lbs! I'm glad. If I have her now, she'll be small, and if I have her in a few weeks (unless she has a huge increase in weight) she'll be right around average. No big babies for me! The only thing I forgot was to ask about how big her head is... that's the important part. Hopefully, since she weighs about average, she'll have an average size head. My next doctors appointment is this Tuesday... I start going every week now because she's so close to coming! I'm getting really excited about seeing her. I'm actually looking forward to having contractions, because that means she's not far behind! We've seen her face in the 3D sonograms and I know she's beautiful... now I just can't wait to see her face and little hands and hold them in mine.

A month has passed, only 7 weeks to go!

Wow, a whole month has passed since I last said anything. What a month it has been. I've managed to stay out of the hospital and am recently back to working full time. We have had to make a few calls to the dr over the last month just for little scares, but they've sent me home every time just telling to me to relax for the rest of the day. I did have to take another shot in the hip though, this time it was for my cervix, which my dr suspects is kind of weak. But I'm 33 weeks along and after 34 weeks they won't stop labor so we're getting closer and closer!! Sadly, 7 weeks still feels like an eternity to me.



Ok, so a week has passed and there's not too terribly much to say about it... fairly safe and easy month. But on July 24th Steven and I got to go have a 3D ultrasound done! Oh my goodness!!! It was fantastic! At first she was being a stinker and hiding her face so all we could get a good picture of was her ear, but after about 30 mintues to trying to wiggle her out of her hiding place she finally decided she was ready for us to see. She is precious. Absolutely and wonderfully precious! Of course, I guess I do naturally favor her... being her mommy and all :-). But she had a little hair (which according to Steven is a Fuller first)... but I had hair so she takes after her mommy! Yay! She had little chubby cheeks and precious little lips. Oh, I can't wait to hold her!! We saw little hands and little feet, little ears and little legs... she's going to be just perfect. She was being so goofy! Like I said, at first it was a fight just to get her to cooperate, but once she started moving it was all fun and games for her. She kept yawning, which was adorable! We've got some wonderful pictures of her little yawn. She was sucking on her bottom lip at one point as well. But then she started showing off... She put her hand in front of her face when dad asked if we could look at her little fingers, and when we were trying to get a good one of her feet she reached down with her hand, grabbed her foot and put it on her forehead! So we have a picture of her with her toes between her eyes, haha. She's quite flexible in there, but I guess you have to be when you're living in something that's only slightly bigger than you are.

Hospital stays are no fun

So Sunday night Steven and I went to the emergency room because I had been spotting all weekend. We left the house at around 1 and we're in bed by 5 a.m. They checked me and did a bunch of stuff and decided that I had a bladder infection AND that I'm dialated a cm already. For those of you who don't know much about pregnancy things, when you are in labor they want you to be dialated 10cm, so 1cm doesnt seem like a lot... except that I'm 29 weeks and a full term pregnancy is 41 weeks. So I still have 11 weeks to go and begin dialated 1cm all the way through isn't a good thing at this point. Anyway, they gave me medicine for the bladder infection that I have to take for the next two weeks and sent me home. Easy, painless hospital stay... wasn't even a stay really, just a visit.

So We're back! I had to call my doctor the next day and let her know that I was at the hospital and let her know what they said. So she and I made an appointment for Tuesday at 3:30 so she could check me herself and see what's she thought. So Tuesday morning I was a work and I bled a lot so I called and she told me to come right in. I hurried as fast as I could and tried to stay as calm as I could and made it to her in one peice. The baby measured exactly where she needed to be (28.6 weeks) and they checked the placenta to make sure that it hadn't detached at all and it hadn't. Everything looked perfect as it always had before. She checked me and said I was a cm dialated and that my cervix was pretty soft (too soft for her to be comfortable) so she wanted me to take these steriod shots (there were 2 of them). The shots help Annberlynne's lungs and brain develop so that if for some crazy reason she decides to make her entrance early she has the lung and brain capacity to survive. Dr. Carter said that after 28 weeks 90% of all premies go on to have no long term damage so we're at least in a clear(er) zone. Idealy we want to make it to AT LEAST 34 weeks.

Anyway, Dr. Carter told me she wanted to observe me for a few more hours so she sent me over to labor and delivery and had me hooked up to a monitor and IV. After being on the monitor for a while they noticed that I was having some contractions called irritability. They are not real labor contractions but Dr. Carter doesn't want there to be any because after enough irritability contractions they may turn into real contractions. So she checked my cervix again and I hadn't dialated anymore but there was some bleeding so she told me she wanted me to stay over night so she cold watch me some more. I've been on an IV and pain killers since she saw me last and it has helped me not have any more of those irritability contractions. I had some this morning but my medicine had also worn off, so I was given more and haven't had any since. I took one of those steriod shots in the butt yesterday and it wasn't bad at all but I took the other today in the other hip and I wanna cry! She hit a nerve. I remember talking in my anatomy class about how many nerves run over your butt muscles and how it's pretty common to hit one when taking a shot on your butt cheek. So I'm planning on being sore there for a few days... good thing I have some ice packs at home.

So I've been here almost 30 hours and I'm so totally ready TO GO HOME!! I can't get up and walk, this bed is not really that comfy (my back is KILLING ME!). The only really great thing about being here is that 1) my dad came up from Muskogee to visit and I was so happy to see him (even if I'm too grumpy to express it right now), and 2) Steven has been super boyfriend and done everything about as perfectly as possible. It's been amazing. He's tried really hard. So ya, now I'm just waiting to go home. I'm more than ready. I don't wanna have a preterm baby. Everyone needs to tell her to stay in there for a few more weeks!! But I also hope I don't have to stay in the hospital again until it's time to hold my daugher in my arms.

Father's day weekend

Well, I figured I would blog today since I haven't had time in weeeeeeks. I usually spend my lunch hour working or managing our future (read: bills, bank, looking for a bigger place) BUT, since yesterday was fathers day I wanted to make sure and take time out today.

For the record, I love being a daddy. lol. Its my favorite thing about being alive really. I wish it was all I had to do. The only reason I work is for Logan and soon to be Annberlynne. If there were no babies I think Elizabeth Ashley and I would be content just to squeak by and explore. I will never be one of those people that works late every night of the week. I want to work a set schedule, get home and play. Thats it. Well that and sing. I think if I lost my voice I wouldn't know what to do with myself. lol.

So this weekend we helped Chrystan move, Elizabeth supervised :) Then we went downtown and explored the KC park scene. I don't know why they call this place the city of fountains, because it has more parks than any place I have ever been in my life. While we were at the park I ran into some guys Logan and I had met at the renaissance festival last year running around with their families. It shocked me to see them in the real world because they had occupied this other place in my mind. I guess I thought that when the renaissance festival was over the town disappeared under a rainbow until next summer rofl. Anyway, Koi has some of the best scarification I have ever seen. It was odd because I have been telling Elizabeth I wanted to get to know these guys ever since I moved here. Check out some of their show stuff here. Anyway, we had a blast playing and wading in the little public wading pool. We love to meet new people and people watch. After that we went home and I grilled steaks and apples and we swam until it got dark. Then, Sunday the fam made me some breakfast, we screwed around the house for a bit and went to Dad's for homemade po'boys. Logan is really into baseball right now so we played baseball in the basement. His giggles were infectious, soon he had all of us pitching to him and chasing him around the pool table (the bases lol). As I put him into bed last night he asked me when was Sons Day lol.

We are all getting really excited for the baby to be here. Logan keeps asking when summers gonna be over and he can have his baby sister. We are all anxious for her to get here, but I'm scared Logan is going to start turning into a big boy :)

Too soon little man, too soon
Summer will be gone again too soon
I know that you're excited
and things seem always slow
but for your daddy passing summer days
means that soon you'll go
Everytime I look your way
I think you've grown some more
But, you promised me you wouldn't
And I believe you so...
Lets celebrate all the coming things
and take them day by day
I promise she will be here, for now please lets go play

Too soon my little man too soon
Summer will be in my memories
Every day of your youth are summer days to me

95 days left!!

The network of nerves in Annberlynne' s ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. She may now be able to hear both me and Steven talking!! She's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air. And she's continuing to put on baby fat. She now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (the 14 inches thing... that's just an average. I still think she's either now only about 10 inches if she's like daddy or like 18 inches if she's like mommy, hee hee).

At my last appointment (May 15th) I weighed 140 lbs... which is not good according to my Dr. In January I was 134 lbs. so I had only gained 6 lbs in almost 6 month (which if you're not pregnant is a lot, but with a babe in tow I should've gained more). Anyway, she wanted me to gain AT LEAST 4 lbs. by my next appointment (June 10th) and, yay for Annberlynne and I, I've gained 6 lbs!! I never thought I'd be excited about gaining weight.

She kicks a lot and moves around. Her kicks are considerably stronger (you can see my tummy jump an inch or so when she's moving). She's even had the hiccups twice that I've noticed. The first time I noticed them we were at the movie theater with Logan watching Speed Racer on Memorial Weekend. Her hiccups were really cool and kinda tickled. She had them for a few minutes and then they were gone. Supposedly she won't be able to get the hiccups until she's 27 weeks, but all babies develop a little different and she may be ahead in certain developments.

The most exciting thing for me right now is that my parents have both pitched in so I can get a 3D ultrasound!! I'm really excited about that because then I can actually see her face and hands rather than just her bones. Soon (most books say at 27 weeks) she'll be opening and closing her eyes... I'd like to get the ultrasound after that so that maybe we can catch her with her eyes open. I can't wait to see the face of my baby girl!! I can't help but wonder what she'll look like. I know those ultrasounds don't really show what she'll look like when she's born because she still has quite a few more weeks of developing AND she'll loose her newborn look after a month or so of her birth... but I'm still super excited!!! I promise (to all those who read this every now and then) that we'll post her first photos!

Times are changing

Things have been changing so quickly. Last weekend Steven's twin brothers moved into my apartment and I (obviously) moved out. They moved in so that I wouldn't have to break my lease (how nice of them). So, I'm not completely moved out and they are not completely moved in... that won't happen for a little while longer. They're trying to find a place (that's bigger than a 440 sq. ft. studio) and Steven and I are trying to figure out what we're gonna do. He already has a bed (duh), so I can't move mine yet and just things like that. We spent all last Saturday and Sunday driving around looking for homes to rent and apartments that will allow a 50+ lb dog. We've found lots of neat places but we've not made any decisions on whether we're gonna move or just stay where we're at. But I do know that we'll have to decide soon because his lease is up at the end of this month and his brothers have already told us a few times that they want to move in more of their stuff, which means I have to remove mine.
So this whole last week has been really good, seeing as I moved in and we kind of had to make the adjustments immediately. Really, there weren't many adjustments to make. We were pretty used to each others little habits anyways, and the ones that we weren't used to haven't been so big that there's been any problems, yet. We both work all day and then he plays and I take care of Logan and then after Logan goes to bed and he's done playing we hang out until we're so worn out we can't stay up any longer (and with me being pregnant that seems to come sooner than later for me). But all in all things are actually moving pretty smoothly. There are some little glitches here and there but they've all seemed to work out some how... maybe not the way we were planning, but they work out none the less. I know I'm happy. I feel at home.

Only 3 more months for our tiny dancer!

I'm six months pregnant!! YAY! I love it. She moves a lot and it's much more noticable than before. She moves in response to sounds and movements now, too, which I think is too cool. Steven layed his head on my tummy Tuesday night and talked to her and almost immediately she started kicking his face, lol. She and I also listen to Mozart around 10 every night (we try to in the mornings, but they're more chaoitic with work and whatnot). She moves to all the songs, but I've noticed that there are certain songs that she moves nonstop to. She hasn't even taken her first breath and she's already my little ballerina (takes after her mommy!).

Now, depending on which parent she's going to take after, she's about a foot long. If she takes after me then she's about a foot and a half, if she takes after Steven she's probably about 6 inches... hee hee. Her little brain is growing really fast right now (that's why we listen to Mozart) and she can probably use her taste buds by now... which probably explains why certain foods are baby movers, lol. Her lungs are developing branches of the respiratory tree and cells that produce surfactant, a substance that helps the air sacs inflate easily once she's born. This developmental landmark in particular makes me happy because if, god forbid, she's premature, her lungs are getting near their full development so she has more of a chance of surviving.

Life is really awesome right now. I've had an amazingly easy pregnancy so far and I've had a lot of fun with everything. Logan and I listened to her heart beat a few days ago. It took a while for him to sit still long enough to hear it, but once he did he was so excited. He asks me about her all the time. "Is my sister awake?", "did she eat your food?", "what's she doing right now?". He made me lunch on Monday and when I went to find him to tell him thanks his first question was if my baby ate my food. He's really excited. He invited me and Annberlynne to watch him play baseball for the Royals. I promised him we'd be there. I'm really glad that he's so excited. I'll have to post the story about telling him later, it's cute.

Steven and I are trying to get through all the obstacles right now, the money, the apartments, insurance, school, work... the list feels eternal. Apartments seem to be our biggest challange right now. But it's turned out really nice because as we work through these problems one by one through the week, the weekends are great. He'll listen to Mozart with us and we've listened to her heart beat together a few times. Even though we still have to talk about these things and our options during the weekends, our weekends are a lot of fun and pretty laid back. If there ever was a superman, it's Steven. Still the same ol' Steven, but somehow more. He's really helped me have an easy pregnancy. And especially now that everyone knows (parents, Logan, siblings, etc.) it's that much easier to enjoy... the burden of the secret is gone. Now we all can share the joy of having our wonderful tiny dancer in approx. 3 months time!!!

22 weeks!!

Knock Knock!! Are You In There?!

I don’t know if this is typical. I can only imagine that it is for every first time mommy. I know that when I wake up in the morning and start getting ready for my day, my baby girl starts moving around too. I also know that if I’m sitting in a chair and bend over a little too far forward, she’ll start kicking (I guess I’m squishing her, lol). And, like clock work, at about 8:45 every night she gets into karate mode and starts wreaking havoc on my bladder. But there are times when she’s late and my mind instantly goes into panic gear and I start wondering what’s wrong. Now, the reasonable side of me is saying that everything is fine… I’m not hurting or cramping or bleeding or any of the other tell-tale signs. But there’s still that part that can’t help but go nuts! Where are those kicks?! Where’s my baby? Rest assured, within the hour (and most times it’s not even that long) she’s reassures me of her presence by giving me the hardest kick of the day, and despite the sudden pain I’m now in, I can’t help but smile and put my hand to my tummy. There she is. There’s my baby girl.

Ultrasound

Mommy-to-be!!

I’m going to be a mommy! The mommy of a beautiful baby girl, our baby girl. My lovely daughter. She’s 22 weeks old and I love her more than I can say. Her lips are starting to be more distinct and her soft baby hair is slowing growing more and more. She has two small eyes though they still lack a color of their own. And though all these things are still growing and developing a little more each day, I know that she has two little feet with 10 little toes, and two little hands with her 10 tiny fingers. I know that she has a heart that beats and nerves that feel and ears that hear. I know that when I tell her I love her, she hears me. She doesn’t understand, and I know that, but her small growing brain is becoming more familiar with my voice, with my feelings for her. I can trust that when my love, her daddy, lays his head on my tummy and tells her that she’s beautiful that she knows it’s her daddy. She feels our hands as we wait anxiously for her next kick, and feels her daddy’s loving kisses on my tummy. And I know that she feels the happiness, the joy, and the shear elation that I’ve felt because of her, because she’s still a part of me, living inside my body, sharing her life with me.

TSP: The Back Story from Steven's POV

Soooo...
I had been looking at lizabef sideways and she had caught me a few times. "What? Why are you looking at me that way?" But...how do you tell your girlfriend she’s getting fat? I went for compliments "WOW, baby that shirt is really cute, it makes your breasts look really big. Are they growing?" "I love that dress, you look so curvy" "I love to snuggle you, you are sooo soft". lol. But she just turned the fat jokes my direction, and I had to go cry and eat another PB&J. Then, she started working out every night, but her breasts were REALLY starting to grow. On 4/23 she asked if we could talk...I think I knew immediately lol. That night she was very scared, but I told her we needed to make a doctor’s appointment and see what was next. I told her THAT WEEKEND that if she was really pregnant she would have the baby before her birthday…it was a joke since it will be her 21^st. Little did we know…

The week before this Logan had really spooked me out with 2 dreams. In the first dream he had he was a big brother. He informed me, as I was waking him up that he would be a big brother when he was 5. I laughed at him and told him to get some clothes on and meet me in the kitchen. 2 days later, while we were eating breakfast, Logan informs me that “Babies don’t like shots”. I asked him what he meant, because Logan is constantly thinking and pondering things before he says them. He said that the night before he dreamed that he was with a baby and the baby was getting shots, and didn’t like them…spooky lol.

05/01/08 9a.m. I am lost, running late, but I make it to Dr. Carter’s office just in time to run in for the ultrasound…and find the nurse in full panic mode. Where she was expecting to do a “first visit” ultrasound and see nothing, she is confronted by a perfectly round head, fully developed spine, then a face, then a foot. We were all shocked, but this nurse was FLOORED! None of us realized how far along Elizabeth Ashley was. I mean, she had been to see Dr. Carter in November, January, and March for her endometriosis and the pregnancy hadn’t been discovered. I look back and laugh, but both her and her nurse were pretty freaked out. I thought Dr. Carter was going to cry lol. I have never heard a doctor apologize for ANYTHING, but she apologized every third word or so ( I know I exaggerate STFU its my story) and then we had to do blood tests, readings, everything you do in the first 5 months of a pregnancy- but in 2 hours. After this whirlwind of activity we still had to go to class and school. Spent, we kissed, parted ways and said we would talk later. I dove into my research at work and designing some new logos to distract myself. It was starting to hit me…this baby is going to be fatherless after George Thomas Renfro gets a hold of me. Oooo shit. I left work, picked up Logan from school and we went and played. After he went to bed I cracked open a Corona, shut off the lights and sat and thought and thought and thought.

Friday I muddled through my day. At 5:30 p.m. I took Logan to meet his mom for a visit. She was late, so Logan and I had fun reading books and talking about being a big boy. We have decided to wait on telling him, so I took this time to get a feel for his thoughts on brotherhood and whatnot. He’s going to be awesome. I finally got to Elizabeth’s house at 11 p.m. I put my head to her belly and watched a movie. By 2 a.m. I was excited, anxious, and in love.

I’m gonna have a princess

A baby grrl

A daughter.

She’s going to love me,

I will love her,

Someday she will leave me for another man

And Elizabeth Ashley and I will remember these days, and laugh

Hi!

Hi Elizababy!
I made this blog site for you today so that we can write all about this amazing pregnancy. I love you. I am excited for this precious gift that we have been given. Hopefully we can keep a good web journal of this rush to the finish line. Please think of what you would like this site to look like, draw me some pictures to put up, lets take lots of pictures of you, us, and Logan. Here is the place everyone will come to see our progress, talk about our worries, hopes, fears, and the future. This is the living room where our entire family and our friends can all come together and talk to us, talk to each other, and see whats going on.

I love you.

Steven